Two Different Views of 13 Reasons Why

13 Reasons Why can be viewed in many ways. Many love it many hate it. There is, however, something quite refreshing about this new Netflix Original show. the fact that they do not shy or hit people in the face with things. It is both bold and understated. I love the intimate relationships that you discover throughout the show, but the over arcing theme can be overwhelming to some. From the way I see it there are two audiences that are watching this. The first audience is made up of those who have considered suicide, like Hannah, or might in the future, like Sky. The second audience is made up of people who know people like Hannah/Sky, like Clay and the others on the tapes.

I know this might be pretty self explanatory, but from my own personal views and those I know, I have seen this division grow. Surprisingly, those who might be in a dark place in their minds seem to dislike the overall theme, yet enjoy the plot line. Most saying that the show “glorifies suicide.” Where as those who know those in dark places seem to enjoy the eye opening trip that the show took them on.

For me I was extremely captivated until the last episode. It was a little too close to home. I have been there before. I have cleaned up my room and organized everything so that after would be easy for those involved. I have written my letter over and over. I have been in that tub fully clothed and ready with a razor. In the end I truly was scared of ending. I settled for panic inducing crying fits in a cold shower and the comfort of a stinging piece of metal to remind me that I existed for some reason. So to watch someone do it with such… I don’t want to say ease, but with such ease hurt a bit. I felt almost slandered, because for me, this has been going on for years. And even though things have been happening to Hannah throughout the year, the suicide portion seemed rushed. Things have been happening to me since middle/preschool. I’ve written my suicide note at least 3 times. It was something I fought with every day and night.

I know that I am describing me, but I feel like there are others who have felt the same way. I know that there are some that have the worst day of their lives and decide then and there to end it. I know and understand those cases are out there. but to put together 12 reasons, that honestly could have been summarized, then to “give life one more chance” seemed just plain off to me. I feel like they should have added some scenes of her in her home falling apart throughout the whole year would have benefitted. Suicide isn’t something that people do because they want to prove a point, it is something they do when they see absolutely no other option.

Then you have the Sky character who is a very stereotypical “emo”. She has the scars, the look, and the attitude to back up her stereotype. So here you have two polar opposites. One shrouded in black and taking her anger out on the world and herself. Then you have a beautiful girl who tried to be friends with everyone and gets stabbed in the back every time. Yet the one you don’t think fits the image of a suicidal girl is the one who actually ends her life. In a way I like this because although there are a lot of Sky’s out there, there are also some that you never would expect to hide scars or other issues. But in private, behind closed doors, they are the same. They both have anger and sadness in them to the point that it is too much. That is what was missing for me. There were only a couple times when we got to see Hannah breakdown. But realistically speaking, it would happen constantly

To my High School Friend

Dear Friend,

I know that it has been almost five years, but I just can’t help but think about those days. They were truly the worst days, but they were the best. There are so many things that you helped me with that you don’t understand. So many days where you were the only reason I went to school. Over the years I have grown and changed in so many ways, but there will always be our relationship that doesn’t change. We haven’t seen each other in years, but I know that our hearts are still connected. There’s a bond between us that will never be torn apart.

You didn’t know how much those sleep overs meant to me. Knowing that there was someone there that actually wanted to see me outside of school. Knowing that you cared enough meant a lot. It also gave me a chance to get away from my house. I’m not saying it was bad, but there were definitely times where I thought I couldn’t breathe, and being able to spend time away with you was wonderful.

Our hour long phone calls that annoyed my family were some of the best times. You had no idea what those meant to me. There were times where I wanted to stay in a deep depression and not talk to anyone at all. Then, I’d get a phone call from you. You were able to wash all those harmful thoughts out of my mind and let me escape for a couple hours with you. I sometimes wonder if I have ever laughed that hard since then.

Talking about all the horrible people we went to school with was some of my favorite conversations. Being able to hear someone else agree that those people were crap was very reassuring. You helped me to not focus on others word because if you didn’t like them, then why should I listen?

Your support was more than I deserved at times. You went to every single one of my performances. That meant so much. In one ear I was hearing people say how horrible I was and that directors were stupid for casting me in anything, and in the other ear I was hearing you ask about all the details of the stage. You actually cared, and didn’t think I was that bad. You were always the positive voice in my head.

There are so many more things I wish I could talk about, but it is not my place. While you never knew how low I was then, I didn’t know that you were also low. That those sleep overs meant more to you, because they kept out your demons. Your questions about theatre helped to paint a world that was different from what you knew. Those days where we never talked to each other, but walked side-by-side meant that you needed that company more than you needed words.

I wish that we had talked to each other about our difficulties, but I just wanted you to know that I have been honored by your friendship. I am glad that we could shine a light on each other’s darkness and be a true friend. I will never have another friend that will share what we have. We have both moved on, you more so than I. And even though those were our roughest days, I would never alter a single one in fear of loosing what we had.

So thank you. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.

15 GIFs about hiding depression

These are 15 GIFs that I hope explains why people should keep an open mind about what they say. You never know who is hiding something.

 

  1. “I’m so glad I don’t know what it’s like to have depression, you know?”

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Many people should be happy about this. But it’s very ironic when this topic comes up in conversation and people ask you, thinking you have no idea. It’s almost delightful knowing that you have gotten away with it.

 

2. Finally being alone after going out. 

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I do not like going out often. If I do go out, it’s not willingly. The second I get to escape I finally get to relax. Put down the fake exterior and persona.

 

3. “I just don’t get why people self harm. It’s so stupid.”

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There’s only so many things you can defend with out people catching on. You unwillingly have to agree, but that doesn’t mean you have to say anything. You just hang in there till you can leave.

 

4. “People who say they have depression just need to cheer up and get over themselves.”

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I will be honest, before I dealt with anything like this I had said the same thing. It’s not something that one can just get over. It’s severe and invisible, but it’s there. You can’t tell people about their ignorance though, they will understand some day. When someone they know or love opens up to them, they will understand.

 

5. “Those people just want attention.” 

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When was the last time you saw someone waving their scars around? Or bragging about how many times they forced themselves to starve? It’s not something that people are proud of. It’s not something they want everyone to know about. It’s something that is private and personal. A way for each person to handle the different stress of their lives.

 

6. When someone points out one of your scars and you have to make up some story. 

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Here we go again.

 

7. When someone clearly accepts you lie and moves on. 

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Wait. Really? Are you really going to believe that load of shit? Okay. Fair enough. Moving on.

 

8. “Ew, your music is so emo.”

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You don’t like it you can leave.

 

9. When you’re biting your tongue when you just want to scream.

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So many times.

 

10. Deciding whether or not you should tell someone. 

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There are so many obstacles. What if they hate you? What if they judge you? What if they call you crazy? You know you should tell someone, but you never know who you can trust.

 

11. “You should cover that up, people might think you cut yourself.”

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Yes. I have heard this more than once. Someone believes some bogus story about a faulty belt or an angry cat and then say something like this. What can you do?

 

12. When someone who knows points it out in public. 

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Look, if someone opens up to you, don’t you dare talk about it to anyone else, or in front of anyone else. It’s not your place.

 

13. “I totally get it, I mean I get so depressed after Christmas ends I could die.”

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Yeah, because that is exactly the same thing.

 

14. “Don’t lie to me. I know better.”

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Usually, when someone cares enough, they will figure it out on their own. But there is no denying the terrifying feeling you get when someone says that.

15. When someone is actually there for you.

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These people deserve metals. People who know someones deepest secret, and stays by them and helps them without judging. Seriously, do those people exist? If so, props. You all are amazing.

 

Alibis–Marianas Trench

Marianas Trench is a wonderful Punk-Pop group from Canada. They are actually on tour currently in the states though. It consists of four men who have performed together now for years. I started becoming slightly obsessed with them about three years ago when my family looked up their music videos. trench-smh-102811

Although they have a punk-themed look, their videos tend to be upbeat. Some songs definitely have a stronger theme to them. Song writer and lead singer, Josh Ramsay, often puts his life into his songs.

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Battling anorexia and a heroine addiction at a young age gave him the soul needed for writing such intense lyrics. One of my favorites is Alibis. This was on their album titled Fix Me. This album hosts many of their rougher tunes that are deeply missed. Songs like this one cry out to me and really make me reflect on things that I’m going through or things from my past.

As always, this is simply my assumption, and what I personally take from the song. This does not necessarily reflect what the band means by their words.

“From the scrapes and bruises”

Knowing that Josh dealt with Anorexia means that he also probably had to deal with bulimia as well. Often, a side effect of bulimia means you get to walk around looking like you punched something recently. Unless someone uses alternative measures to induce their gag reflex, most people use their hands. More often than not your knuckles scrape your teeth. When done multiple times a day, this means that you will receive injuries that look like scrapes.

This is very accurate also if you self-harm. Some people with give themselves bruises instead and then say they fell. Easier to explain than straight lines.

To the familiar abuses”
To me, the word familiar is being used here because people hear about narcotic addictions more often than they do eating disorders. This going strongly for men. So here he is saying that in addition the the abuse he endures from the eating disorder, he also has what other people might call normal abuses as well. In his case, heroine.

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It could also mean something that hasn’t been done in a while. It could also be interpreted that it was familiar because it had been done in the past. So using the self-harming idea again. If someone had stopped for a few months or years, then started once more, it would be the familiar abuse.

“I’ll kick and scream but it never changes anything”
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I’ve been told, and have seen it portrayed, that when giving up an addiction to something as strong as heroine, your body completely rejects the lack of the drug. So major fits of aggression can, and do, occur. Then, with the last part of that line, “but it never changes anything” states that no matter how much he hates it, it never changes. So he can go on and on and nothing is going to change the state that he is in.

“I could spill my guts out
Wearing my best little girl pout”
I view this in three ways.
1) Literally spilling guts as in bulimia.
2) Spilling guts/blood as in self harm
3) Spilling guts as in telling someone about what they are going through.
However taking into account the next line, it is probably one of the first two.

“And I almost missed it”
When someone reflects on the past, sometimes they can’t believe that they missed that feeling. With this line, I almost feel like he is amazed by the thought. I can’t believe I almost missed it.

“But nobody said that this was gonna be easy”
Giving up any addiction is beyond difficult. When one is going to start to give something up they are bombarded with negative thoughts. People are all too willing to say that you are strong enough, but they never talk about how hard it is.

“This is not the man I hoped to be”
I don’t think that any young person dreams to be an adult dealing with an addiction. So this line seems to reflect on that thought.

“And I’m just trying to stop the bleeding”
This line, again, I take a couple ways. One way that it could be interpreted is stopping the bleeding from self-harm/bulimia. But there is also another viewpoint. One that mimics a similar thought, but not necessarily meaning that it has happened. This could just be a way of saying that he is simply trying to stay alive.

“I don’t know how to word it
I just started to deserve it”
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Often times, when someone self-harms or partakes in eating disorders, they feel like they deserve to feel the way they do. I’m annoying to everyone I meet, I should punish myself. I disgust everyone by my size, I should starve myself. things like that. It might not start off that way, but it quickly turns into that.

“And all my, all my faces are alibis”
This is by far one of my favorite lines from Marianas Trench. I think most people can relate to this line in some way. This line is talking about how others people view him. If everyone sees a happy smiling face, how would they ever believe that I am depressed? If they have never seen me upset, how would they believe me when I tell them I need help? So when he says “faces” he is talking about his persona. When he says alibis, he is meaning his defense. Even if someone saw the scars, or saw the tell tale signs of eating disorders, “but he/she is always so happy! He/She could would never do that.”
“And me, I’m half the man I wanted to be”
You could take this literal, half the man because of the weight loss, or you could take it a bit more abstract. You know when some one say, “If you were half the man your father was…”? So he could just be saying that he isn’t good enough.

“Most times it all comes out wrong
I don’t know the words but I’ll hum along”
This line I take a little differently. I think that this is going along with the alibi theme. Pretending to be okay, when you really aren’t. I don’t know how to be normal, but I pretend to anyway. 

“There’s nothing familiar here anymore
To anyone or anything left to feel alive”
When dealing with depression, of any form, it is easy to think that you are completely alone. In feeling this way, you tend to push away people close to you. When this is done, you think that they left because of you and they were never really there. Then you start wondering who they were, did you ever really know them at all?

“And I still taste that sickness”
I think this one is pretty self explanatory… However there again there are two ways of looking at this. 1) literal sickness. 2) Plain disgust. Like when you are so upset at something you’re sick about it. So this could be someone reflecting on something unpleasant and still feeling upset about it. 

“And it makes me crazy without it at best”
This line is talking about at best he feels crazy without that sickness, which is rather upsetting when you think about it. This means there are times when he feels worse than just “crazy” at the loss of the thing he is trying so desperately to get rid of. 

“But I’m in the same place I used to be”
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Still an addict. Still depressed…

“But I’m trying harder not to be”
Once an addict always an addict, but there are ways of working to be better. That is what this line is for.

This is not the man I hoped to be
And I’m just trying to stop the bleeding
I don’t know how to word it
I just started to deserve it
And all my, all my faces are alibis
And me, I’m half the man I wanted to be

So what am I? What am I? So what am I?
If you are trying to get better, so as to not be an addict, but you are still struggling–what are you? Feeling lost about who/what you are when you loose something that was such a big part of who you identified as is a very confusing thing.

And all my, all my faces are alibis
This is not the man I hoped to be
And I’m just trying to stop the bleeding

“I don’t know how the words go
I just started not to say no”
Just slightly different from the previous line, this one is talking about relapsing. At least that is my interpretation. Constantly saying no to something, then finally giving in. Not necessarily relapse, but in general.

“Don’t want it, don’t get it
I know you won’t regret it”
This line is kind of an advisory line. He is saying that he doesn’t want what he is going through, then telling others not to “get it” as in addiction.
“Don’t surface, don’t surface
And I feel so damned worthless”
1) If I do not get over this I will feel completely worthless
2) Don’t go outside, don’t let others see you because you feel so worthless.

“Another day is gone and all my faces are alibis”
Once again, I’m pretending to be something I’m not.

All my faces are alibis

And me, I’m half the man I wanted to be

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I’ve said it throughout this piece that this is just my interpretation of the song. Often times I refer to him/he I do not necessarily mean Josh throughout. It is just the singer, so I refer to the voice. I’m not trying to say that this is how he feels/felt. I’m just interpreting the lyrics from my viewpoint.

This song is hauntingly beautiful with it’s comparisons and deep understanding of the struggles caused by addiction.

Plus, who can’t love a song by this sexy man??
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