If you want to know how to get close to me, give me a reason to trust you.
It’s a strange concept, trust. To rely on someone to with do or not do something. What if they do the opposite? What if they just laugh at you? What if they say something that really hurts? What then?
I’ve not trusted many people, and for good reason. But there was one person I could. For 5 years we built something so strong. And it took about 3 years to realize I did, fully and completely, trust that person.
All to be dropped off a 5-story building.
How am I supposed to trust that person again? How am I to open up and allow that person the opportunity to drop me again?
I should stay strong. Be my own support. Not let anyone else close enough to hurt me again.
But I miss you. And I hate what you’ve done to us. You let someone enter and now you’ve made me distrust everything you do. And you are growing to resent me.
I’m sorry. I’m sorry I’m damaged and hurt. I’m sorry I can’t just smile and let it go and trust who you are. I’m sorry I’m not who you want. But right now, you’re not what I need.
But I’m greedy. And I can’t stand to picture myself without you. Or you with someone else.
So I’ll just pretend to be ok.
Maybe one day I’ll trust you again. But not someday soon.