There is a situation going on in my family right now. Someone has done something unbelievably upsetting. And most have turned their backs.
I have heard people already state – it’s family, you never turn your back on family. Alright, but what if it’s a family member that’s being affected by the member you want to turn you back on? Here is the EXTRA kick. What if it’s an in-law?
I’ll stop being so vague. My sister has cheated on her husband. Someone that the whole family loves. They have been married two years and have an almost 1 year old baby boy. She claims she has never been happy and that her husband had pushed her to get married then pushed her to have a baby.
I call complete bullshit. This sister, let’s call her – Beatrice, has been the one pushing things faster than they need to be. She has done this in the past to previous boyfriends, convincing them that if things were to continue they needed to buy her rings and jewelry. The second they wise up, or she gets bored, she moves on. And that is what has happened.
No. He did not push her to get married. She has always wanted to be the first to get married. I had (3) sisters get engaged close together. One sister planned hers for December, Beatrice got engaged in June or July then tried to plan her wedding before the December one. We all, including the fiance, had to convince her to wait and plan a proper wedding. He did not push her to have a kid, she has been saying for years she wanted a family. She texted the whole family every week with updated pictures, even on week 5 when there were no updates.
She simply got bored. REAL life hit her and all of a sudden she is bored. She has said that she misses going out to clubs, she misses having a social life. that absolutely didn’t make the whole walking away from you husband thing ok with anyone. So then she tried blaming her husband for everything. Said he would never take her back and that he was kicking her out.
Actually. The husband was lost and confused and scared to even tell his own family. Opened up to my mother – crying – saying he had no idea. He wanted to make things work and didn’t understand how Beatrice could walk out the way she had.
She has stopped listening to all reason. She stopped talking to her best friend because she tried to talk reason into her. She won’t talk to her parents or sisters anymore. The only people she is listening to are the ones telling her that she deserved to be happy and to do whatever it takes to do that. Beatrice claims she hasn’t been happy for years. What years?? They’ve only been married for 2! She seemed pretty damn happy through all of it
I’m sorry. NO. I would be SO VERY HAPPY to ram my car into all the asshole drivers out there. But that would be WRONG. Once you made a vow, once you have a CHILD, you have other people to think about. And there is Beatrice’s problem. She cannot think of other people. Once people wise up to the fact that she is a self-absorbed prat, she flips out and make everyone else the bad guy. She will lie and create the fantastical stories in her mind and convince people that she is innocent and right.
I should know. She has done this to me growing up. She convinced the group of theatre people we hung out with that I was a horrible person who was horrible to her. I never knew about this until her friend told me about how I wasn’t nearly as bitchy as Beatrice had made me out to be. Maybe that’s why I am taking this whole thing so personally. Maybe it’s also because I was her maid of honor. I stood in front of our family and his and swore to him that he had just gained four sisters. He had been an only child. I told him that he now had four defenders of him and we would always be by his side. Or, maybe, it’s because I have been cheated on in almost every relationship I’ve been in. I know what it is like to feel worthless and unwanted. My sister has done that to someone now. I know how hard it is to get over that. I still have yet to get over it. I have been terrified of getting into any relationship because I know it will end in misery when the other person inevitably find out that I’m not worth their time. I have fought with the demons that were put in me by other people and now my own sister has done that to my brother (in-law). Who do I support?
How do I process my anger for this situation? I’ve known for a couple weeks now and have yet to talk to either Beatrice or her husband. I have no idea what to say, or what I should say. I’m so tired of Beatrice thinking of herself and nothing more. She is self absorbed and arrogant. How on earth can we be related? She did something unforgivable and yet her husband wants to make it work. She lies to everyone and yet still thinks that she has a right to by angry with us all.
She is risking loosing everything that people would kill for. In fact, I have another sister who is in serious trouble with the law. She is facing jail time for something, as deserving as she is, that she needed help with. She would kill to be in Beatrice’s shoes. To have a husband who surprises her with flowers and chocolate, who spends hours fixing things around the house that Beatrice broke, who buys her dresses to wear out on a surprise date night. Rather than being in a situation that she is in now.
When Beatrice was told about the other sister with major problems you know what she said? Nothing. She didn’t say a damn thing. She continued to cry instead. Has she said anything since? Has she gone back and reflected over the conversation and then freak out with concern over her sister facing something so intense? No. She doesn’t care.
Why should I care for someone her cares about nothing but herself? And how do I stop feeling bad for wanting to hate her? She is not only taring apart her own family, she is taring apart mine as well and I can’t do anything about it. All I can do is sit by and watch her do what she has always done.
How do I process my anger? How am I supposed to talk about her with pride, as a sister should, when I am just disgusted by her actions? Who is to blame for ending the relationship, me? For not reaching out and trying to speak to her? Am I then the bad guy for turning my back? Am I really turning my back if I was never reached out to to begin with?
In the grand scheme of things, there are people out there facing more daunting problems than this. Forgive me for only thinking of myself in these times. I’m used to being able to find the line in situations. Finding the real problem and solving it. I’m a logical and objective person who can openly admit wrong doing, if I have done or said something wrong. But this? This I am completely biased on and have no idea how to process something like this and be able to sleep at night.
That’s why I haven’t spoken to either “Beatrice” or her husband. If I talk to her husband, it would feel like I was talking to myself. If I talk to Beatrice, It’s like I’m confronting the guys who have cheated on me. I am angry. I’m confused, and I’m sad. This will not be something I’ll be able to get over any time soon. I know this is a random pointless thing to post, but I had to get it out. I don’t talk to many people about things. Sometimes, all you need to do is say things or type them out.
Oh well. Maybe I’ll work up the courage to contact my brother this weekend.